I love him so much and his lack of libido will never change that2022-08-18
If your partner doesn’t or has not been showing you the kind of affection you would like to experience outside of bedroom, it is unlikely it will translate to something heartfelt inside. Jo, actually, my husband does show me affection and genuine love in many ways, which is what makes me more understanding of his lack of a sex drive. He is affectionate, loving, attentive, romantic… I just need to overcome the feeling of being undesirable due to it. Thank you for your comment.
Men need to understand that women have two different sets of needs; namely, comfort needs and arousal needs. For many women, these needs cannot be met by one man. A lot of women do not understand this duality because it is driven by survival of the species primal instinct embedded in the reptilian brain. I did not learn about this reality until I was going through divorce in my mid-fifties and started to study social dynamics as they apply to relationships and evolutionary anthropology/psychology. Contrary to what men are told by women, increasing comfort does not increase arousal. Arousal is primal in nature. What increases arousal almost every time is dread (i. The reality is that women are drawn sexually to men that other women want because they know that these men are not 100% obtainable.
The evolutionary anthropologist Patricia Draper coined the terms “dads” and “cads” to explain the difference in female mating behavior. Women marry dads (high comfort), but they want to have sex with cads (high arousal). Have you ever wondered why women are drawn to bad boys when they are younger (some women never grow out of this stage)? Bad boys do not play by the rules, nor are they 100% obtainable. Bad boys are the extreme inverse of comfort. Yet, women are drawn to them like bees to honey when they are younger. The reality, as sick as it sounds, is to never let a woman get comfortable enough with you that she does not have to worry about another woman taking your away from her.
Finally, women are the gatekeepers to sex, which is why sex is cheap to most women
Remember, a man usually gives up his options when he commits because men are the pursuers. A woman never gives up her options. She merely stops exercising them. That difference places a man in a committed relationship at a distinct disadvantage unless he continues to develop options while in a relationship. Women will want to downplay this reality, but it is easy to test. If you are start removing comfort and increasing dread (e. It is crazy, but it has worked flawlessly with women for the last five years. Remember, your most basic primal need is not her most basic primal need. Your most basic primal need is to procreate the thaifriendly dating website species, which you can do for a much longer period of time than a woman.
A woman’s most basic primal need is to feel safe and secure, which is why women tend to be drawn to taller/larger men (it is primal instinct, not socialization)mitment fulfills that need for most women. In essence, a woman in a committed relationship is getting her most basic primal need met, which often turns off arousal. However, men are the gatekeepers to commitment, which is why commitment is cheap to most men. If you do not believe me, all you have to do is compare the number of books about obtaining commitment that are targeted at women versus the number of these books that are targeted at men. The number of books targeted at men that are about obtaining sex greatly outnumber the books about obtaining commitment.